.Sunday, June 28, 2009 ' 3:50 pm Y
i'm back after a month of disappearing. and no, unlike what i should've been doing, i wasn't mugging my butt off ):
this holidays have made me realised how much i miss cedar and all my friends and the way of life there. a few of the juniors have been complaining about life in cedar and here i am dying to relive the times. yes, i have many regrets pertaining to mistakes that i made then, and at times i do wish i had done things differently but then again, i wouldn't have met and spent 4 years with the 25 other girls in sirius. i miss the times when we would just stay in school for no apparent reason but just to chill and stone in school, walking around. i hate feeling reminisce-y because it leaves me all emo and moody.
tmr's the start of school, and thank god for the h1n1 drama 'cause the midyears and CTs are postponed by a week. i think that just because of that, i have been giving myself a reason to slack off. damn, i suck. i know for sure i am not ready for the papers. with the expectations, set at such a high level, by tyh and the parents, i'm very sure that i will be disappointing them and myself with the results that i would produce. i am not in the mood for school now more than ever, thanks to affairs of the heart. damn.
insomnia is killing me! i've been sleeping less than 5 hours everyday and it's starting to take a toll on me. head's been hurting real bad wayy too often everyday ): and this, makes it impossible to study and get anything into my head. hopefully i can get by the week of school without crashing. okay whatever, this post is such a failed attempt. i'm distracted by the tv -.-
'til another day! wish me luck for school ):
i had known it was impossible, that it was just a fantasy i badly wanted to come true. i guess that's the only reason why it is killing me from inside. the huge blow was too much to handle and it left me destroyed, crushed. i never knew i'd ever feel the way i feel now, i don't know whether to be upset, relieved or angry. it's all just a blur to me, not making any sense at all. i'm secretly hoping the confusion is due to my lack of past experience. ergh, all i know is, regret, regret, regret, that's the basis of how i feel now. the excessive late nights have not been helping either. dad is upset 'cause i would be wide awake at 3am either on the internet, or watching tv. damn, this sucks. i want to turn back time
♥AZRINAris